Times Total Media - St. Petersburg, Florida

Sean Devereux

Quantum Billing and Time Travel in Online Advertising: A Premium-Priced Spectacular Journey

Ever fantasized about a time-traveling adventure back to the 1980s, at the budget-friendly cost of a mere $5,000 a month? Well, Chad, Deb & co at TTM offer the ultimate nostalgic experience – not with big hair, glam rock, or neon leg warmers, but a captivating voyage into the era of the first computer mouse through their online advertising efforts.

Their work takes you on a trip to the past faster than a cassette tape rewinds, harking back to the time when flashing banner ads were the zenith of online sophistication. It's a touching tribute to the dawn of the internet, if that's your style. However, as a strategy to engage the discerning and sophisticated internet users of 2023, it might leave a bit to be desired.

"But results will take a while," they'll tell you. And true to their word, the results did take a while. A long while. So long, in fact, that we're still waiting.

However, their love for all things retro is merely one facet of their unique offering. This company introduces an entirely new concept I've taken the liberty to name the 'Quantum Billing' model. Imagine this: Your contract reaches its end, concluded in a tidy, satisfactory manner, and with plenty of notice. You bid adieu to their $5,000-a-month blast-from-the-past service and anticipate a return to the modern digital era. Or so you thought...

Out of the blue, you receive not one, but two invoices for services that were never requested, never delivered, or even whispered about. It's as if they've deciphered the principles of quantum physics, creating a bizarre new reality where advertising campaigns both exist and do not exist simultaneously – Schrödinger's online ad, if you will?

At the helm of this voyage through time and ambiguous business practices, we have our fearless captain Chad. With audacity that rivals the audacious price tag of his services and an extraordinary ability to creatively interpret contractual terms, Chad guides this peculiar journey through the uncertain waters of innovative business practices.

The best way to encapsulate my experience with this company? Imagine being invited to a surprise party, only to discover that the surprise is you're the only guest, and you're footing the $5,000 bill for the entire shindig. Essentially, it's a party you'd do well to respectfully decline.

So, if you're yearning for a trip into the past, complete with surprise invoices, a dismissal of modern online advertising standards, and a monthly bill that rivals a mortgage payment, Chad's company is your perfect match. For everyone else, I'd advise you to steer clear of this rollercoaster and find a different amusement park.

The company's unofficial motto seems to be: "Your Money, Our Rules, No Results." Now if you'll excuse me, I have to draft an invoice for Chad for the time I've spent composing this review. Because as Chad has so elegantly taught us, time is indeed money, right?

Mitchell Walker